When I was younger my mum used to bake cakes and scones and buns, a large plethora of baked goods in fact, before everything she used to throw a lot of parties too, Bodyshop, Avon, Tupperware, you know the type. My Mum is an amazing baker but a lot of the time we'd get told 'they're not for you', now this was upsetting for my sister and I, not for some deep psychological reason, we were young, we wanted cake.
When I was a teenager I used to come home and tell my Mum how I'd cleaned my Dad's house top to bottom and made him dinner. This upset my Mum, probably even made her a little mad (a fact that only came to light this evening), at home my room looked like a war scene and the laundry pile was so heavy it ironed itself! She vented this to a friend who (rather insightfully in my mind) pointed out it was because I loved her and knew she loved me unconditionally back, and I wasn't sure whether my feelings were reciprocated by my Dad, so I vied for them exhaustively, coming home getting the gratification from someone who I knew would give it to me. She never got angry at me again for this.
Now I bake cakes (see how this comes full circle) and take them into work, for people I want to like me, telling my housemate and her boyfriend 'they're not for you', this doesn't upset them psychologically, they're human (... I'm a great baker), they want cake.
The point I'm trying to make is, when having one of my bi-annual counselling sessions with my Mum this evening I realised some thing, and by that I mean she blatantly told me something in a way that my stubborn mind could adapt into something it incorrectly believes I figured out for myself, I am constantly making people cakes. Metaphorical cakes that is. And if you're honest you're probably doing it too.
Now cakes are great, they're comforting, loving, if you make them for people it makes them like you (remember cake is now a metaphor... keep up), when in reality if you're constantly giving people cake, they expect more cake. Lets face it if you need to give people cake for them to possibly, maybe like you... they don't deserve the friggin' cake(!), you have a whole pantry of things to give... pasta, cheese, the occasional salad and tinned fruit. You know who does deserve it? The ones that love you regardless (and inclusively of the rest of the pantry) and just see you're amazing lemon drizzle as a bonus.
I've been baking cakes for people my whole life to make them happy and so has my Mum, but truthfully all this time spent chasing unobtainable (and often ultimately undesirable) friendships has distracted me away from doing things that make me happy and from nurturing the unconditional, non-sugar dependpent friendships I'm already so blessed to have. It's seen me out of money, out of time, out of love but most importantly out of happiness... and that's just not fair.
So in the words of my wonderful Mum. 'Stop baking cakes unless you're baking them because you want to!'
Consider this food for thought.
